I have an inherent trait of laziness... I never thought I was lazy. I'd been told by a few that I was... but somehow it never really sunk in. As Spring arrives, I've come to realize how much of a bear I've been over the winter, by that I mean that I've just been lazy like a Grizzly Bear- with the sleeping and the eating and doing the absolute minimum to keep from putting on weight. Now, as I look at what I was doing last year at this time, compared to what I'm currently doing it becomes painfully obvious. I've allowed myself to get lazy again. UGH!
As I come to grips with the fact that I am, by nature, a lazy person when it comes to doing things I don't particularly enjoy. I first get irritated that this is even a conversation that I have to have with myself, I then begin to plot out my plan for the next several months to improve.
It feels like I have two people in my head... One (the Angel) that desperately wants to continue to improve and continue to shed the weight and become the best person she can. The second (Lazy Devil) that is EQUALLY as strong just wants to do enough so I can make it through my dancing without looking totally winded. The Lazy Devil plays dirty too, she uses things like reminding me that I won't be able to financially handle dance lessons anywhere for much longer, so what's the point? The Angel, reminds me of all I've done and how sad I would be if I lost everything I've worked for. If I put them together into the total me I'd say I have good arguments both ways, if I can't dance anymore why bother trying? However if I consider the mass amount of financial and physical resources, and all the wonderful things I've gained because of this passion of mine I would be devastated to a terrifying degree to end it all, that's one thing both sides agree on... Ending dancing would not be good for either side.
So, what's the solution? Well, I don't have one yet... but both parties are working on one, I've put the Angel in charge. I have a lot of things working against me here, and a lot working for me too. My life outside of dancing has been changing as well, creating some unexpected stress in ALL aspects of my life, but I will persevere, it's just a matter of how.
I am very glad that Spring is here, it's another opportunity for me to kick start the hardcore plans of last year and start getting some big weight loss numbers. It's also much easier for Angel me to win the argument for working out. I still remember what it felt like to post those numbers, and to suddenly HAVE to buy something to wear because nothing I owned fit (in a good way).
Until I do have a solution that will keep my bills paid, and my feet on the dance floor I'm taking it one day and one thing at a time. I'll keep you posted... Wish me luck!