1st Day at the Gym... Still Living the Life of a Fat Girl

Well today was rather successful over all I have to tell you. However, I was blatantly reminded that I'm still a fat girl...

I dutifully printed my one free week pass to the health club/gym that I dread and arrived at the location around 11am. I walked in and was pleased that the space appeared to be remodeled since my last visit... which means no real visual cues of my past bad visits. Good start! I showed my printed pass to the gal behind the desk and she promptly brought out a guy who's sole job it seems is to sign up new members.

This guy.. let me tell you... appearance alone isn't what you'd expect as an employee of a gym. I'm all for equal opportunity employment... but this guy was short, old, had some kind of skin condition on his hands, and was SEVERELY overweight. I don't know, but if I owned my own gym, sure I'd employ him.... but not as the person my new customers would meet. I wouldn't even hire myself as that person. Anyway... I was a bit wary of his appearance before he opened his mouth, but then he pulled me into one of the offices and I was immediately put on guard. Anytime any of these types of organizations pull you into an office... be it a gym, or a dance studio... be ready to talk dollars and cents.

This guy started with trying to pull out his book of programs... I stopped him before he even had the book from one side of the desk to the other...

"Ok, before you go any further... let me tell you why I'm here, we can shorten up this conversation ok?" He stops, sets his little book of plans down... clearly he doesn't deal with people like me very often. :-)

"Great..." I say, seeing his response "....I'm here because I'm unemployed and I need to get out of my house, my father has been a member here since the doors opened, and I want to do the month to month membership, no strings attached because I don't know where my next job is going to take me."

He's a little surprised... "Ok.. so you want to do this plan..." and he pulls out the sheet with the month to month prices on it. "...do you want to do personal training?"

"Nope, just the membership."

This is where I almost lost my mind.. this guy.. this out of shape, homely, skin rash having guy gives me the once over... LOOKS ME OVER HEAD TO TOE... and says "No training...really?"

"No training... I've already managed to drop more than 100 pounds with ballroom dancing... I'm here because I can't afford dance right now and I don't want any weight to come back... I don't need a personal trainer...." I say with venom in every syllable. I can NOT believe that he just did that!!!

"Oh! well ok then... lets get you signed up." He tries to give me a high five, and I don't respond... the lines have been drawn.

I then realize that the ceiling above the office is open to all the other offices... because I hear someone cough back a chuckle from one of the other offices. Good...I'm glad someone heard me!

I then find out that not only do I have to still put up with this guy for a few more minutes...but I have to actually join and pay my money today, instead of waiting until the end of my free week. Once again... I'm irritated...

"Why does the month to month deal end today? It's not the end of the month..or even a Saturday... do you have this documented somewhere? I'm losing out on a free week if I sign up today."

Sure enough he shows me documentation that says the deal increases by $10 after today, so my head scrambles to figure out if I have the money to pay today. Turns out... I did.

My mood had clearly not improved, as I wrote my check for the first AND last month (also listed in the documentation) and I mumble something about still losing my free week. Then this guy says he'll give me a free personal training session.

"I'll take a free personal session sure..." I say as he's out the door to find the Training manager.

Moments later I'm met by the car salesman of personal training... oh boy... I've been through this before too... guard still up.. I shake his hand. This guy at least looks the part... he's good looking, really fit, and has that fake tan that would make any body builder (or ballroom dancer for that matter) proud.

"So what are your goals?" He asks me.

"To get out of my apartment and continue to lose weight while I can't dance." I reply

So we discuss real quick how much I have left to lose, and how I lost my weight so far. This guy is ready to take me out to the machines right now.. but I didn't want to do this today.

"Have you ever worked with a personal trainer before?" Typical question.. I get it...

"Nope, that's part of what my ballroom instructors do for me." I reply.

Basically I'm telling him without saying the words... I don't need your services...end of story.

I left the office with my free training session scheduled for 10am tomorrow morning... this guy is telling me "Well, Ballroom doesn't involve a lot of resistance training...so that's probably where we're going to start you."

I wanted to tell him that Ballroom is FULL of resistance, leverage, and muscle control... but let him think what he wants....I'll tell the trainer I work with tomorrow that I know what I want to get out of this session... and I'll get it too.

After I left the office I went to the locker room, stashed my stuff and proceeded to pound out 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer, not NEARLY as intense as even 30 minutes of Ballroom dancing...but it got the job done. I then stretched, went home and rested, walked mom's dogs and returned to the gym to get another 35 minutes pounded out. My knees ache a bit... but I really needed all that. My goal is to be in that gym a minimum of once a day if not twice on most days, for the duration of my unemployment. No excuses.

Just goes to show you though... doesn't matter where I go.. I'm still reminded every now and again by the odd stranger that I'm still a fat girl... only they don't know who they're messing with. ;-)

I do however need to point out... that while there are a few similarities between the gym and a dance studio... I have NEVER been made to feel awkward or fat or out of place at a dance studio...not even when I was carrying an extra 100lbs, and THAT speaks volumes about dance studios and the honest professionals I know.

Life Without Dancing... Finding Motivation

Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar, I honestly do. I can go up and down in a matter of hours. Probably because of my ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). However, I wouldn't have it any other way. Having my mind work the way it does, allows me to be the person that I am...and I don't know about you, but overall, I really like her, craziness and all! I have learned that the low points will pass... and I'm learning how to hang on to my positive inspirational moods every time they strike. I thank Dancing for teaching me that too, as well as everything else.

So what is going on now that I'm not able to really participate in my beloved pastime and obsession that is Ballroom Dancing? Well, aside from the daily submission of resumes, phone interviews, and figuring out how on earth I'm going to come up with finances to live until I get a job... it's been a bit up and down... I'm not going to lie, we know I don't do that here. It goes back and forth between being ok and feeling almost tolerable, to some afternoons where I can't get out of bed because I'm having trouble seeing whatever light might be at the end of the tunnel. Oh and it's only been two weeks, I've got 6 more before Captain's wedding and probably at least 2 before I set foot back into my dance studio for a group class or three.

I miss it, I miss dancing with a partner, sure on the ok days you'll find me practicing a Salsa shine, or trying to work on some of the technique drills I've learned along the way, but it's not the same. A few days ago I caught myself in one of my more down moments feeling like I was punishing myself by not dancing, only not being able to come up with justification for it. I knew that was a very wrong way of thinking... so I immediately loaded up my small workout MP3 player with my current favorite workout songs put the ear buds in and hit play... You know what? It worked! Even if it's just for 4min and 21 seconds of a Black Eyed Peas song, I almost immediately felt better and couldn't sit still. (Which is good, because the last two weeks have been filled with a lot of sitting). Since then my MP3 player, hasn't left my side. Upon waking up if I'm feeling like it's going to be one of those days... I start my player with one of my new Salsas and I'm up and smiling.

Still though, there needs to be more... there needs to be more than my sitting around on the phone, or on the web job hunting, waiting for the time to go walk my mom's pup, and then quietly retreating back to my apartment (which has affectionately been nicknamed "the cave") to surf some more, or catch the latest in TV's fall line up. So I put some plans I'd been thinking about into action... first being designing a few dance inspiration related t-shirts to sell. I want more of this blog, I think you as my readers deserve more, and I'm planning on bringing it. Including but not limited to, dancing, weight loss, and wise eating choices (because we know "diet" is a bad word in my world) that inspire me along the way. So keep your eyes here. :-)

Second, I have to stop sitting... I can feel the lethargy of old coming back, it's almost as if my muscles are beginning to atrophy, and quite frankly it's grossing me out. I KNOW I've put some weight back on since being unemployed.. much less in the two weeks I haven't been in for lessons. (I'm afraid to check the scale though, but plan to by the end of the week) Dancing is bliss, don't get me wrong, but part of that bliss is the endorphins that come with the workout. Not to mention that I need to get out of "the cave" a bit more often. So my dad has procured information for joining the gym (he's belonged to this gym since the beginning of time) on a month to month basis. It's actually rather cheap (which is great, cuz that's all that's in my budget) and it's about time that I set to change my mind about his particular gym.... this gym and I... we have history...and it's not pleasant.

This is the gym I was forced to join as a kid... twice if memory serves... during the times when my parents thought I was in dire need for getting in shape, and I was less than motivated. It's old, is typically filled with older people, and quite frankly I just don't have good memories about the place. SO... now that I'm older, wiser, very interested in walking back into that dance studio in better shape than I walked out of it, and have my MP3 player to protect and motivate me, I'm going back... Get this... I'm actually looking forward to it!

So yes, I am working VERY hard at keeping all the bad negative thoughts away, and maintaining at least shreds of that powerful inspiration I had towards the end of my dancing. Even just a little will keep me going. Not having RT and Largo as direct inspiration is really hard, but I have to learn how to do all this on my own... and I'm taking you all with me.

Which brings me to my question for all of you... What inspires you? I'm really interested to hear what gets you all out of bed in the morning and what is the first thing you go for when you're feeling down? Let me know! It takes all types to make this crazy world work... and I'm very interested in what you have to say!

I'm listening!

Introducing T-shirts!

I've been busy in my non-dancing time! I've got to tell you it's been rough... but I'm hanging in there. Part of my time has been used to put together some dance inspired T-shirts for you all to purchase! Please take a moment to check out my new shop. It's still a work in progress... but keep checking! Over the next three weeks I'll be putting up more and more designs!

I own a few of these shirts myself, and I've got to tell you I love to use them when I work out and practice. Anytime I look in the mirror, seeing a shirt that proclaims my love of dance helps me push forward to my goal.

So check it out!

More to come soon!

Week One No Dancing.... and The FADS Regional Comp

I got the worst cold I've had in 4 years on the Monday of my first week "off". So I actually can't say that I missed dancing too much, I was too busy trying to get better so I could attend the Chicagoland FADS DanceSport Challenge, which is the fall regional competition. These competitions begin on Friday night, and go all day Saturday... Saturday night is saved for a semi-formal dinner and a show or dance party of some kind. This particular competition was going to feature a Salsa "party" after the dinner so I had always planned on attending that. Then I found out that some dance friends were competing so I decided to also attend the Saturday session too.

Actually, I attended the Saturday session to catch ETP's solo... he had a Cha Cha choreographed by Jesse DeSoto some months ago and has been working on it and talking about it to the point where I couldn't miss it. Combine that with the fact that I knew this was going to be one of the few dance events I'd be attending where I could run into most of the dance people I know and nothing was going to stop me from being there....

So the plan was set... Solo's and Showcases usually happen on Saturday morning... personally I believe that it's a crime to ask people to be fully ready to dance that early in the morning... but I brought my professional spectator self to the hotel at 9:30am. Making a quick stop at the coffee station before entering the ballroom of course. Low and behold Jem and another dance friend also there to catch ETP's solo were already there and cheering. I was impressed. I chatted with them for a bit and caught up with a few other folks. I was having a nice relaxing morning actually! Per the schedule, Solos and Showcases were to start at 11am.

11am came and the announcer started calling for the music, each performer had to give their music to the DJ...and the announcer called again... no one came forward. THIS was the great race to NOT go first... as it happens no one who goes first wins. So, no one wanted to give up their music. Personally I think they should just go in the order listed in the program and be done with it, but that's just me. So we all waited a bit and I saw ETP give his music over to the DJ... this was all before I knew about the great race to not go first... had I known what was going on, I would have tried to talk him out of it. As soon as ETP handed his disc over, magically so did everyone else. :-)

So ETP went first... it was a good routine... really solid and performed well. I know all too well how hard it was worked on and the thought that went into the costuming, it was worth the wait. I honestly thought after seeing it that he had a shot at getting top solo, but unfortunately tradition came into play and not only did he not win, but I think he was judged rather harshly... but he knew that was going to happen going into it... He's the one that told me about the great race to not go first. :-)

The rest of the day was spent chatting, and cheering. One of my favorite ways to spend the afternoon. The Competition wrapped up about an hour earlier than the program indicated, which was craziness... Some friends and I decided to go to a restaurant for dinner outside the hotel, instead of doing the semi-formal thing. That was nice, and we had a lot of time to kill since the competition ended so early.

We arrived back at the hotel in time to freshen up and get ready for some Salsa dancing... the theme of the evening was Havana Nights and they hired a band I actually see around quite a bit Rica Obsesion. They play some pretty good Latin music, I've never had a bad time when they're around.

Dances were a bit few and far between for me, which is what happens all the time... but there were a couple of highlights... Got part of a song in with RT, which only reminds me how much I'm going to miss dancing with him....still had fun. Michael picked me up for a really fun Salsa too... he's getting really good at this! Then I got a whole song in with RTS' partner from the Michigan Avenue studio (I had previously made him promise to ask me for a dance...but I ended up kind of stalking him for one instead... :-) ) That salsa was actually the highlight of my evening because I've only danced with him one other time and I was very impressed that I was following so well... way too much fun! After a bit CWS picked me up for a club style Cha Cha... or "lazy cha cha" as he called it... very accurate description! Finally the evening was ended at 10pm...and about 30 seconds before the end of that last song I got a few quick steps in with Largo...

After I actually picked a different exit from the ballroom... I didn't want to say goodbye to anyone... I don't know exactly when I'm going to see them again... so I just ducked out.....and into the bar to chill with a couple of dance students I talk to regularly for a bit. Then off to home...

I did enjoy my day and evening... congratulations to all the students, well done!

Last Lesson with Largo our Danceaversary!

Last week was my last lesson with Largo. By this point I have to tell you I had really made peace with my decision to take a break from dancing, but this lesson was important. It was our first Danceaversary! "Danceaversary" is a term I've coined to celebrate my yearly anniversaries with dancing... the word "Anniversary" is generally reserved for couples celebrating a year together... and since my relationships with my instructors are very dear to me.. but we are not "couples" I like to use "Danceaversary" :-) But then as I'm sure you know my brand of the English language tends to be my own anyway.



I had purchased Coke for each of us because I like to do a little something to celebrate... and I know Largo drinks Coke... a lot. So as Largo picked me up for my lesson I handed him his Coke...

"What is this for?" He asked.

"Happy Dancaversary!" I proclaim!

For which I was met with a HUGE hug! "I forgot! I'm so sorry!" he said, not letting me go.

"It's ok, are you kidding? With the results you've been putting up with these competitions I'm more than happy with all that."

"Still, I'm sorry I forgot." He states finally letting me go.

"No problem...cheers!" I say as I open my soda and take a sip.

Before we started we chatted a bit about how proud I am of his and TNT's results, Largo does a very good job of staying humble to all the praise I know he's been receiving lately. Just another reason to like working with him.

"So this is your last one yes?" He asks, referring to this lesson.

I became a little quiet, but not sad.. "Yep... last one."

"Awwww..." followed by another bear hug.

I was very thankful for the affection... but by this point we were already a good bit into my lesson... and dancing was becoming MANDATORY.

"So lets dance then ok?" I smile at Largo.

"Ok.. then we'll work on Salsa" He replies....

I love how my pros know all the magic words. Salsa we did..for a good amount of time! Largo and I don't Salsa very often, but when we do have a relaxed Salsa it's so much fun! Everyone has their own way of doing it, and each lead has their own set of things they like to do. Which I love, it keeps me on my toes as a follower, which will only make me a better dancer. So we had a blast with that!

Largo and I move to change the music and he calls for a Mambo.... uh oh...

"We just danced On1... now you want me to Mambo On2 right after that? Are you feeling ok?" I'm worried, I was just listening to the music for the 1 beat... and now I'm supposed to switch to the 2, which I don't do very well...

"Yes."

"Ok.. please pick a Mambo that has a strong 2 beat."

He did, and off we were working on Mambo... I usually ask to stay in the basic for a few measures so I can get a feel for listening to the music differently, I don't know how...but I was pretty much staying On2...(and trying not to let the fact that RT was blatantly spying on my lesson bother me...first time ever I didn't let it phase me... this is progress!) it was pretty amazing if I do say so myself. My biggest issue is with the spins, when I'm left to my own devices to get back to frame or at least facing my partner on my own... my head just finds that 1 beat and wants to go! It takes nearly every fiber of my being to hold through to that 2.

We then started working on some new to me Mambo steps... uh ok.. last lesson.. new steps? Does that make sense to anyone else??? I questioned Largo on it a bit, but he wasn't going to be deterred from his plan... my guess is this was kind of his way of letting me know the learning wasn't over yet. It took a few tries..but I got this Mambo step... I think.

Mambo over, I walk over to where our sodas were and take a sip of mine and ask what he had next for me... he tells me Rumba... ok... so we Rumba... we drilled all the steps I currently know from the Bronze syllabus, which I think now is at least up to 9...maybe I've picked up 10 along the way I don't know, but I was having fun! Shortly after a Rumba drill, I go to the soda take a swig and ask him again... what's next.... East Coast Swing... I still haven't found the swing I used to love... but I'll get it back some day. I figure if I like to concentrate in one particular style, then I should love all the dances in that style. I'll get it back again...someday.

One thing about East Coast though it still will kick my butt faster than anything else... which is probably why I haven't found it the way I once had it... I have to learn to build up my stamina and become a bit lighter on my feet. So now, tired, and getting sweaty I'm running back to the soda to catch my breath...

"What else do you have for me?" I say.. as if I'm not tired at all... I'll never learn why I have to front like that.... I could be panting for air and so dehydrated I'm starting to shrivel and if we're on a dance floor... the words coming out of my mouth are "I'm fine."

"Cha Cha" Largo tells me...

"Ok then..." deep breath, sip of soda "let's do it." Is my reply.

Cha Cha we did, I had a little trouble finding the beat, because I was trying to make sure I could move that fast.. but I managed to pull it off after a bit. Largo also worked on showing me a new to me Cha Cha step... that involves a couple of FAST pivots, some hip bopping, and a spin.... I almost had it... but those pivots are QUICK!!! Something else for me to work on... which is ok... there is ALWAYS something to work on in dancing. After we both felt I progressed we worked on a few of the steps we always do together... If RT and I have Salsa...then I guess Largo and I have Cha Cha as our most comfortable dance. It's just kind of worked out that way.

The lesson ended with another big hug...and that was it, not to dissimilar from other lessons, which was really nice. I have to tell you I, of course, don't want to have to stop dancing... but it's ok that I am. Everything happens for a reason, and just because I'm not taking lessons doesn't mean I'll stop dancing... we already know I'll NEVER stop dancing...

I was fortunate enough to get a brief chat in with RT before I left, it was all up beat and not a single tear was shed... which is good... I don't like crying.

Thus ends the near flawless three and some year run I had with the greatest thing that has ever been part of my life... but everyone needs a break sometimes to regroup and come back with greater passion and determination... besides, the phrase I have ALWAYS lived by is "That which doesn't kill me only serves to make me stronger."

I plan on coming back.... stronger.

Professional Spectating at its Best! The Windy City Open 2009

This past weekend, one of the biggest competitions the city of Chicago as to offer was going on at the Hyatt McCormick Place (McCormick Place being the biggest convention center in the city.) This competition is known as The Windy City Open, and is an independent competition, meaning that it is open to ALL dance studios. I attended last year and had a very nice time.. this year it was even more important for me to attend as I'm trying to still stay as involved in the ballroom world as I can, and I had several couples to cheer for!

I have to tell you, there was something about this competition that had me really excited... I don't know if it was just because I'd get to see some of my favorite professionals dance, or what... but I was just very much looking forward to this evening!

I arrived with some dance friends including ETP, and thankfully traffic wasn't bad as we arrived in plenty of time to pick up our tickets, look at the vendors with all their dresses, jewelry, couture wear and the like. It was nice to get a feel for the crowd as it was building. The doors opened promptly at 7:30, the first heat that was American Smooth was slated for 8:07pm. I promptly found my seat, which is a whole other thing about this competition... So let me digress here for a minute.

I purchased my ticket nearly a month ago, based on what last year's seating was... I purposely chose a more expensive seat because I like to be in the first row or "First Riser" as they called it. It's easier for me to flit around the ballroom greeting and talking to all the folks, these evenings very often last 3-4 hours and I simply can't sit for that long. Upon finding my seat in the center of the 5th row in a six row riser, with no chance of an easy exit, I didn't stay up there for long... Where as friends of mine who had purchased their tickets mere days before the event had MUCH better seats! It is my only real complaint about this competition.. but next year I will be ordering my seats over the phone to ensure seat placement, rather than leave it up to the online ordering form which, as it turns out.. is VERY misleading.

...I had to get that out... Ok.. so where was I.. oh right American Smooth event... there were enough couples to make it a Quarterfinal event... meaning that there were enough couples wanting to compete that the competition would go from Quarterfinal, to Semi-Final after some eliminations, to Final. Very exciting! I had two couples to cheer for in this event, RTS and her Partner and FAF with TSD.. and boy did I ever cheer! This competition for whatever reason is much more subdued then a lot of the others, so there isn't as much cheering... don't know why.. but I have found that a lot of the people around me don't like it when I'm yelling... Just because you can hear me clear across the ballroom with the music playing isn't a reason to not like someone :-)

My personal "wants" for this Smooth event was for RTS and partner to make Semi-Finals... they are still very new to the circuit and while their progress every time I see them is nothing short of awe inspiring, I knew it was a little too soon to see them in the finals for an open event such as this. FAF and TSD however, are a bit more seasoned and have had a lot more time together so them I wanted to make the Finals... but again.... still too new to win it.

RTS and partner looked fantastic! Once again, better than the last time I saw them dance... and YES! They made it to the Semi-Finals.. YAY... really proud of them!

FAF and TSD did better than just making the finals, they placed 3rd AND beat a couple that has pretty much consistently beat them all year... AMAZING!

While I love my smooth couples, we all know... American Rhythm is where I live and while RT is not currently competing, Largo is...with TNT of course... and then you've got CWS and DWH, plus STP and HFC... whew! This event also was a Quarterfinal event... so I was hoping for a Semi-Final result for CWS and DWH... and FINALS for Largo, TNT, STP and HFC. This event was exciting... there were a lot of good couples on the floor! Including those from the Fred Astaire Milwaukee Region... the Chicago and Milwaukee region are pretty much neck in neck as far as talent... with Milwaukee edging Chicago out a few times too many for my liking.. but it makes for some very exciting spectating!

CWS and DWH looked great...and achieved the Semi-Final result I was hoping for... and Largo and TNT, STP and HFC made the finals as anticipated... Along with the 4 other Milwaukee couples...

This is where it gets fun folks... the final in American Rhythm at a completely independent competition was ALL FRED ASTAIRE Professionals! If that's not a feather in the cap of that organization I don't know what is! We all watched the floor during that final intently... everyone looked great! Largo and TNT in particular looked AMAZING... I don't know what it was... and they're good folks, let me tell you.. but on this night, all the stars must have been aligned because they just were blowing us away!

Then it came down to results... all six Fred Astaire couples in a line waiting to hear where they placed... the room was positively electric... 6th place was called... a Milwaukee couple that usually places much higher... hmmmm.... curious... 5th place was called, and 4th... BOTH Milwaukee couples... ETP and I exchanged looks of amazement... could it be??

Now we're looking at 3 couples... two from my studio... STP and HFC have always placed higher than Largo and TNT... but even 3rd for them would be amazing... and in my heart I've actually been waiting for Largo and TNT to edge out ahead of STP and HFC... 3rd place was called... and two little girls ran out on to the floor to pick up some beads that had actually fallen off of TNT's costume... All my group and I could think was that this was the most tense we've been while waiting for results EVER.. and these two little dollies were making us wait longer! ACK!!!!

Once the children were ushered off the floor... 3rd place was called again... STP and HFC.... OMG.. NO WAY!!!! Every human being in that ballroom who knew anything about Fred Astaire and the rivalry between the two regions, and especially those from my own studio were screaming and yelling and OMG.... it was UNREAL... Then we had to hear who got second... pretty sure it was going to be Largo and TNT.. but still with the results that were just called... who knows if they edged out that remaining Milwaukee couple! 2nd place was called and it was Largo and TNT! 1st place and title went to the remaining Milwaukee couple... but that's ok... one heck of an amazing event just happened for those of us who are at Fred Astaire Buffalo Grove... It was an amazing and inspiring thing to see....

Intermixed in there was a very cool, albeit very dark (as in the lighting...VERY dark...) show by

Michael Malitowski and Joanna Leunis who are the current reigning world, European, and British Open Professional Latin Champions... they were very good and I'm glad I got to see them.. but really.. this night belonged to Largo and TNT as far as I'm concerned...

Congratulations to all "my" pro couples... good show to you all, and you all should be proud!

Last Lesson with RT... Inspiration Begins Again

Last week I had my last lesson with RT before my self imposed "break from Ballroom." I'll admit to being a bit sad about it... although over the previous days of coming to terms with my decision and my reasons for making it I was much less the sobbing mess I had been previously.

Driving to the studio still felt sad though, and because of all of my anticipation I got there really early. Upon my arrival I slowly changed into my practice skirt and shoes and waited, watching the few lessons on the floor. I was also for whatever reason, reminiscing about all the events of the past three years. Images of the studio that evening I first walked in flashed across my mind as fresh as if they had happened yesterday, but I wasn't reminiscing in a sad way... I was reminiscing in a very at peace way.

RT picked me up for my lesson and walked me over to where the students books are kept, (every Fred Astaire student has a binder with the syllabus, notes, and test scores in it). I asked him why he was looking for my book, I didn't understand...

"Why are we looking for my book..when was the last time we pulled that out to use it?"

He chuckled, "Probably about three months ago." he responded as he reached for it.

"Why on today of all days do we need that?" I was very confused. I didn't want this to be an all technique, lets learn new steps, kind of lesson... I just wanted to dance.

After grabbing my book we walked over to one of the benches that are under the mirrors and he opened the book, smiled and then began reading.

"Kat...Kat...Kat... I am looking forward to working with you..." he began.

OH NO! I immediately began to tear up... I hadn't read that paragraph since he first wrote it to me... three years ago. I responded in a very mature manner too.. I immediately covered my ears like a petulant child and began walking back and forth pretty much yelling "You're NOT helping! This is not helpful at all!!!"

"I admire your determination...." He continued, getting louder so I could still hear him over my own voice.

It's a short paragraph... I don't have it memorized, in fact, I wouldn't have remembered a thing about it had he not pulled out my book. But it is very complimentary of what he thought of me and my becoming his student all those ages ago... while I was pacing back and forth, half yelling, half listening... the old me flashed in my mind...standing in the EXACT SAME SPOT, RT with the book reviewing what new step he was going to teach me. It was very sweet of him to do that.

Once he was finished he put the book down, and it was forgotten for the rest of my lesson.

We opened with Salsa, our steadfast tradition... only this time it was to a song from his own personal collection, another quiet RT touch to make this lesson stand out. It was a slow salsa.. lots of time for hip action and slow spins. It was a lot of fun and I was smiling by the end of it...

Next on RT's agenda was to work on my over turning problem... See when I spin 99% of the time I over rotate which leads me to have a lot of trouble squaring my shoulders to my partner when I'm finished. We started with the "Coca-cola" spin... aka.. left turn and RT broke it down in a new way for me. I FINALLY got it.. I understood what he wanted me to do and showed nearly immediate improvement to my turn... I may have only wanted to dance, but if the technique portion of today's lesson was going to go this well.. BRING IT ON! I was starting to get that old feeling of inspiration again... oh I missed that feeling!

After I showed marked improvement in the "Coca-cola" turn, we moved on to my right spins...which are notably harder for me to finish correctly. We'd touched on this SEVERAL times in the last year... and nothing ever seemed to click... I understand the words RT uses to describe what I should have been doing, but I couldn't translate it into something my body would understand. Well, he must have picked up a new way to describe it because I'd never heard this before...

"Don't use too much power," he stated "And keep your right shoulder in front all the time."

Ok.. so I stood there processing what he wanted me to do... which means I was imagining what that would feel like within my spin. I think I understood it, so I tried.... and failed. So I tried again...and didn't over turn quite as much... and so began the "Better...one more time" mantra that I think we all have in our lessons.

I am pleased to report that this whole "Keep your right shoulder in front" thing works! Nearly every time I went into a spin, if I was thinking about my shoulder, it would stay in front and my turn would end more squarely! YAY!!! New problem for me was that doing this made me hold my right arm in what felt like a very unattractive way.. which I mentioned.

"It's ok.. it's not that bad and you can make it better as you keep practicing." RT informed me.

Great... I probably felt (and currently feel) more like a dancer than I EVER had before!!! WHY did I have to have such amazing progression on my last lesson! GRRRR... but we danced on. Next up was a bit of East Coast Swing, because that's what was playing. I remember how much I loved that dance when I started, it was the first real dance that I felt I could do and understand... now, to be honest... I really only like it with a few partners (RT being one of them of course)... but it will always have a sentimental meaning to me. What was nice was that RT would remind me about my shoulder in EVERY turn...proving that I could work on this in any dance.

We then went to the music machine and RT wanted to Rumba "We have to Rumba, what would a lesson be without a Rumba?" He asked, actually referencing my joke from a year ago, AND wanting an answer to that question.

"We do Rumba in every lesson, because if you have a good solid Rumba you can take the elements into all the other rhythm dances." I reply wondering if he was really looking for an answer that basic.

He was... I got a surprised look and a high five.

"Yeah... I listen to you... sometimes." I smiled back.

"Ok...lets do this." He said as he grabbed my hand to return to the floor.

I was thinking cool, I'll get to dance a Rumba.. like really dance it.. oh this will be fun!

It was fun, but can't really develop that performance connection with RT...when once again I was dancing with his ear...he was watching our profiles in the mirror. A good Rumba requires some level of eye contact... ear contact does NOT count. But I let it go, because once again I was improving.


As our lesson was about to end, and honestly RT did a fantastic job of making it feel like a really REALLY good regular lesson, not the "last one". RT had one more thing, a Cha Cha... to one of the songs in his own collection... it was a FAST club style Cha Cha and very hard for me to pick out the rhythm... gotta tell ya, trying to execute ballroom style Cha to a song that fast is HARD.. well for me anyway... we were dancing a bit of basic in frame and from the bottom of my peripheral vision I see he's actually managing to get every bit of his Cuban motion into this song.... figures... and if you'd ever seen his Cuban motion, and how HARD he works on it... you'd know why it just figures he can do it nearly perfectly at light speed.

"Is this Cha to see how fast you can do the Cuban motion stuff? I know if I can see your hips moving in my peripheral vision they've got to be doing some crazy things!" Yes, even during a super fast dance..I'll find a way to talk. :-)

He just smiled and continued to help me with the beat... seriously hard song for me! He also reminded me about my shoulder in every spin... some of them, like when a few of the higher level bronze steps have their spins...need to be fast at normal speed... one in particular that I've worked on a lot, but never seems to quite be on time was asked of me... I came back to frame and RT reminds me again about my shoulder.

"You can not possibly ask me to control my spin when it's THAT fast yet! I'm lucky I can finish it and still stand!"

"Leave your right shoulder in front." he says as he nods. Classic RT I'm not putting up with your BS no matter how funny it is response.

*sigh* Of course he's going to ask me to control it... don't know quite what I was thinking there.

Shortly thereafter the lesson ended... it really did feel like a REALLY good regular lesson... RT put his arm around me, and said "There see? Like it wasn't even your last one."

We then chatted for a bit about what my dance related plans were for the next couple of weeks and I thanked him...and that was it.

I was feeling really good, and then got sad again... went in back to change, came back up front, and sat on the couch slowly changing my shoes... more memory flashes in my mind. Just trying to drink up the atmosphere when one of the other students that I am very friendly with sat down next to me. She's one of the ladies that has always been very kind, she's sort of like a studio mom of sorts.

"You know you can't go away... I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't see your face at least sometimes."

I thought that was very sweet of her to say...

"Oh, I'm not going to disappear off the face of the planet... I'll be spectating at the next regional competition, and flitting around I'm sure." I reply.

"I can't tell you what an inspiration you have been to me every time I walk in here, you can't not be here." She stated simply.

.....and cue the tears....

"Thank you! I just hope I get to come back!" I say quietly as tears are just flowing... (I so didn't want to cry!)

"You will, I will pray for it every day." She told me.

"Thank you, that means so much!"

"I think you inspire [RT] too." She tells me.

"Well I wouldn't go quite as far as that...but he has definitely inspired me to be better, at everything." I reply..thankfully my eyes are starting to dry up.

"I would, you do." She stated, as if it were a known fact..so there was clearly no arguing.

"Thank you very much! I'll see you at the regional ok?" I said as she got up for her next lesson.

I sat on the couch for a minute more, kind of absorbing everything... I was watching RT teach his next lesson... over by my book that had been left abandoned on the bench. I don't know what it was about it just sitting there that annoyed me... but the idea of it carelessly being picked up with any others that had been strewn about and placed anywhere on the shelves really bothered me. So I got up, grabbed my book, closed it gently...and placed it on one of the shelves in a spot where I knew I could find it again. One last glance at the dance floor where images of lessons past Waltzed, Rumbaed, and Cha Chaed in front of me... and I was on the way to my car to head home.

I don't think I have ever been though such a roller coaster of emotion in such a short period of time! The lingering feeling, thankfully, is the one of pure inspiration... I cannot believe it! It's a very powerful thing, and I need to do whatever I can to hang on to it!