Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar, I honestly do. I can go up and down in a matter of hours. Probably because of my ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). However, I wouldn't have it any other way. Having my mind work the way it does, allows me to be the person that I am...and I don't know about you, but overall, I really like her, craziness and all! I have learned that the low points will pass... and I'm learning how to hang on to my positive inspirational moods every time they strike. I thank Dancing for teaching me that too, as well as everything else.
So what is going on now that I'm not able to really participate in my beloved pastime and obsession that is Ballroom Dancing? Well, aside from the daily submission of resumes, phone interviews, and figuring out how on earth I'm going to come up with finances to live until I get a job... it's been a bit up and down... I'm not going to lie, we know I don't do that here. It goes back and forth between being ok and feeling almost tolerable, to some afternoons where I can't get out of bed because I'm having trouble seeing whatever light might be at the end of the tunnel. Oh and it's only been two weeks, I've got 6 more before Captain's wedding and probably at least 2 before I set foot back into my dance studio for a group class or three.
I miss it, I miss dancing with a partner, sure on the ok days you'll find me practicing a Salsa shine, or trying to work on some of the technique drills I've learned along the way, but it's not the same. A few days ago I caught myself in one of my more down moments feeling like I was punishing myself by not dancing, only not being able to come up with justification for it. I knew that was a very wrong way of thinking... so I immediately loaded up my small workout MP3 player with my current favorite workout songs put the ear buds in and hit play... You know what? It worked! Even if it's just for 4min and 21 seconds of a Black Eyed Peas song, I almost immediately felt better and couldn't sit still. (Which is good, because the last two weeks have been filled with a lot of sitting). Since then my MP3 player, hasn't left my side. Upon waking up if I'm feeling like it's going to be one of those days... I start my player with one of my new Salsas and I'm up and smiling.
Still though, there needs to be more... there needs to be more than my sitting around on the phone, or on the web job hunting, waiting for the time to go walk my mom's pup, and then quietly retreating back to my apartment (which has affectionately been nicknamed "the cave") to surf some more, or catch the latest in TV's fall line up. So I put some plans I'd been thinking about into action... first being designing a few dance inspiration related t-shirts to sell. I want more of this blog, I think you as my readers deserve more, and I'm planning on bringing it. Including but not limited to, dancing, weight loss, and wise eating choices (because we know "diet" is a bad word in my world) that inspire me along the way. So keep your eyes here. :-)
Second, I have to stop sitting... I can feel the lethargy of old coming back, it's almost as if my muscles are beginning to atrophy, and quite frankly it's grossing me out. I KNOW I've put some weight back on since being unemployed.. much less in the two weeks I haven't been in for lessons. (I'm afraid to check the scale though, but plan to by the end of the week) Dancing is bliss, don't get me wrong, but part of that bliss is the endorphins that come with the workout. Not to mention that I need to get out of "the cave" a bit more often. So my dad has procured information for joining the gym (he's belonged to this gym since the beginning of time) on a month to month basis. It's actually rather cheap (which is great, cuz that's all that's in my budget) and it's about time that I set to change my mind about his particular gym.... this gym and I... we have history...and it's not pleasant.
This is the gym I was forced to join as a kid... twice if memory serves... during the times when my parents thought I was in dire need for getting in shape, and I was less than motivated. It's old, is typically filled with older people, and quite frankly I just don't have good memories about the place. SO... now that I'm older, wiser, very interested in walking back into that dance studio in better shape than I walked out of it, and have my MP3 player to protect and motivate me, I'm going back... Get this... I'm actually looking forward to it!
So yes, I am working VERY hard at keeping all the bad negative thoughts away, and maintaining at least shreds of that powerful inspiration I had towards the end of my dancing. Even just a little will keep me going. Not having RT and Largo as direct inspiration is really hard, but I have to learn how to do all this on my own... and I'm taking you all with me.
Which brings me to my question for all of you... What inspires you? I'm really interested to hear what gets you all out of bed in the morning and what is the first thing you go for when you're feeling down? Let me know! It takes all types to make this crazy world work... and I'm very interested in what you have to say!