Square One… All Over Again

Hi! Welcome to my blog, my name is Kat and I'm a recovering unhealthy person. (read: fat chick)


Ok… so why am I introducing myself all over again you ask? Well that's simple… we're back at the beginning. I am physically and nearly mentally back where I was when I stepped on the dance floor damn near 4 years ago…. What the hell happened????


Well… I'm not exactly sure of all the steps I tripped and bumbled over to get back HERE. Back to the land of the out of shape, not dancing, vaguely resembling miserable state I'm currently in. But here I am…. In a bit of pain, up almost two pant sizes from where I was, lacking most of the motivation that I had a year ago at this time.


Well Shit. (uh oh.. she only curses when she's angry)


It came upon me earlier when I was at my first PT appt. I was being assessed as they do to check where you're at with range of motion and all that. In my case we were of course focusing on my ankle. In the process of assessing the way I walk, and all that… it's been pretty much decided that every joint and muscle group from the hips down is pretty much all wired wrong. To the point where I'm pretty sure the therapist seriously doubted my ability to dance properly.


Well that sucks… but I also came to one realization: I've SERIOUSLY fallen to the bottom of the stairs I was so diligently trying to climb, and I HAAAAATE it! I may not be down to that last step yet, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be putting time and money and effort into healing this ankle only to have to start over with Largo, what RT and I had set out at the start to accomplish. I've been so AFRAID of damaging my ankle further than it's already gone, afraid of not doing my paying job well enough, afraid of oversleeping. Just plain afraid that I completely and totally irrevocably, lost sight of what the heck I was living for.


Life is Grand! Existence Freak'n Sucks.


I've had all the conversations with myself… trust me ALL of them… (mostly while also berating myself for sitting on the couch and watching TV). They go something like this:


Why don't I just suck it up and go back to the gym?


What if I KILL my ankle... it's already half dead. Look at it all puffy… why am I even taking this medication if it's not working?


Well that's never stopped me before. I have to take the meds for a month at minimum so it's probably going to take longer than a week to work.


It's gonna hurt.


Shut up, I am in some level of pain every day and actually forget to tell people about it because I don't feel it enough to matter, not only that but I actually revel in the pain that can only be brought on by a good workout. (sad fact)


*sigh*


I got myself in this mess again… it's time to claw out of it.


Oh but (insert show here) is on in 10 minutes.


Which is why I pay monthly for a Digital Video Recorder.


I don't have anything clean to wear to the gym.


So I should get off my duff and go to the Laundromat that is directly NEXT TO THE GYM. I can work out when I'm finished. Or just wear the closest thing to clean… no one is gonna care.


I'm gonna care, they still know me in there.


Laundry will take like three hours.


I am the most impossible person to argue with.


Yep, and I'm arguing with myself.


I'll start tomorrow.


Well there have been lots and lots of tomorrows. The buck stops here, I'm not waiting for tomorrow.


 
Which also brings the question (since I know I have written about this before) why is this time different? Well it's not… it's the same level of conviction I have every time I try to rally to come back from a stint off the wagon of health. The only difference is… I really let myself go this time.


Yeah you could put part of the blame on the ankle… you could put part of it on how I felt after RT left… you could put it on the fact that I felt the need to get used to my job and stop all my extra working out…. you could put the blame squarely on my year of unemployment.


Are you noticing the common denominator?


All those reasons are… sorry, not reasons…. Excuses.

 
ME


I'm the common denominator in every one. Not a single external source, it was all the way I was feeling… I could have pulled myself out of it. I really could have. But I didn't. Wow… sometimes I just plain old suck.


So in the spirit of the rally and how much I seem to love being the underdog in all of this…


Here we go again….


Clothes are laid out for tomorrow… not including the pedometer only because the only workout machine I can really get any cardio in on right now is the bike, and my workout clothes are freshly laundered, my Digital Video Recorder is set to catch anything I might want to watch on TV at a later time.


Next PT appointment is on Tuesday morning before work, I will be there every Tuesday and Thursday morning obtaining knowledge about my sucky ankle range of motion, and how to strengthen all the other various muscle groups from the hips down, as I try to rehab this injured ankle back to some semblance of order.


Hello Life, my name is Kat… and I'm just warning you… I'm working my way back to taking over.




 

 

The Official Ankle Verdict…. I’m on the DL

Saw the doctor this morning about my ankle… Actually I saw a nurse and two doctors about my ankle. I'm not exactly sure how doctors get their own nurses that travel around to their various offices, or how they get resident doctors assigned to their services either…. But this doc has both.

I arrived, filled out the needed paperwork, waited about 10 minutes and was ushered into the office to wait. Then a very nice x-ray technician came in and brought me to the x-ray room where we took three x-rays. We then walked back to my designated holding pen and my x-rays were immediately brought up on a monitor (very cool technology). I was then left to wait and contemplate the images before me. I was expecting to see something odd our out of place… you'd think after 14 weeks of trying to nurse this ankle back to health I'd see something on the x-ray. I don't know exactly what a normal ankle looks like… but I gotta tell ya, my ankle looked pretty normal on the bone structure level.

After waiting and contemplating a little bit longer my Doctor's nurse Lucy comes in. She interviews me… it started with "You're 31 right?" after which I knew this was going to be a lot of blah de blah nonsense about information she already had in my file. She didn't seem overly friendly on this particular occasion either. Meh… I wanted to see the doc.

Then he walked in… I looked up from dangling my feet from the table and looked him straight in the eye and shook his hand… the most attractive doctor I have ever seen in my life! DRAT… why did I decide to wear the slumpy jeans and a sweatshirt! Probably because I never expected to see anyone remotely attractive in a doctor's office! This was Dr. Steve… and he works with the doctor I had my appt with (must be a resident or something)… He tested the resistance on my ankle… inquired about previous ankle surgery (I have a particularly nasty scar on my injured ankle from a previously unrelated shaving mishap… don't ask) which he mistook for a surgery scar… he joked with me about possibly needing surgery and informing me that flip flops from Old Navy were not good choices for footwear he then he walked out. Sadly… without taking my phone number (but… it's in my file should he ever feel the need to call).

About five minutes after the glorious Dr. Steve left, the main Doctor came in, we'll call him Dr. P., and he reviewed much the same information that both Lucy and Dr. Steve reviewed, only thankfully in slightly greater detail I finally felt after my third time around at telling the saga of my ankle all the words were finally being heard. I also mentioned for the third time that getting back to the dance floor is what I needed most of all. I can already walk; it's the dancing part I can't seem to get right at the moment. So there was some more "push this way, and back that way, good, and again" to test my current range of motion. Also after reviewing the x-rays which look pretty much normal Dr. P. informed me that I have a very normal extra bone in my foot. How, that's normal I'm not exactly sure… but the fact that I got an observation of "everything looks pretty normal except this common extra bone you have here." Is actually normal… it seems that I always have a slightly left of perfect status on most of my anatomy.

Moving on to the plan of attack so that I can get back on the dance floor full time to both mine, and Largo's satisfaction:

I am to take 750mg twice daily of some kind of super strong anti inflammatory which Dr. Steve says will knock out any swelling.

I am to proceed directly to my nearest Physical Therapy (PT) facility in workout clothes and explain to the Physical Therapist that I require an athletic training variety of therapy so that I can return to dance.

I am to do visit this PT facility 3 x weekly for 4 weeks and also perform at home exercises (that I've already been doing for at least 8 weeks myself already) at which time I am to asses my own ankle.

IF after these 4 weeks I am showing marked improvement I am to proceed with my PT for two more weeks and start introducing dance again (at the Physical Therapist's discretion).

IF after these 4 weeks I am NOT showing any marked signs of improvement and strength in my ankle I am to proceed to an MRI facility and make an appt with Dr. P. to consult on possible surgery. (An MRI takes images of the soft tissue such as tendons in the body for a better assessment of what is going on.)


So this leads me to ask "Ok, that's a plan, but what about dancing…. Am I off the floor or what?"

Dr. P looks at my x-ray, looks at me and says "Well I'm not about to tell you not to dance, but it's not going to help you heal."

"Ok… so spell it out for me what does that mean?"

"How about go to some PT, take the meds, and MAKE SURE your therapist knows you have to dance so you get the proper type of PT and decide for yourself when you can go back."

Well shit.

Based on my performance in my last lesson… I'm on the DL (Disabled List)… Which means:

No dancing of any kind for 4 weeks not at studio parties or anything… I will work my ankles at PT and my upper body at the gym and if the swelling starts to improve, I will also include walking on the treadmill (or whichever form of cardio my PT will advise). This is my 4 week plan to see if I can actually get some RESULTS.

Also, after speaking at length with my friend Horace, I will also be looking into a second opinion.

I am sick of feeling like this year is slipping by and all I have to show for it is the remarkable ability to sit at my desk.

Sidelined by Injury… Still… Again… Largo Says “No!”

You may remember that I had mentioned an ankle injury back in January. I had slipped on the ice, my right foot and ankle got shoved under a steel railing. I, like the trouper I tend to be… ignored it and plodded on with my day of wandering around the museum and out to dinner and show.

Well three months… actually about 14 weeks later… I'm still dealing with it. I've been dealing with it in my own special "trying to ignore" it way since then. I did take the required time with most sprains to ice, elevate and care for it…. To no avail. It proceeded to swell have blood bruises of all colors of the rainbow and just in general be a nuisance.

I've been to the studio dance parties with it, and tried to walk on the treadmill at the gym, and even had two or three lessons on it.

Well… I was ok at the parties, my ankle felt stiff and I felt all sorts of out of shape, but I thought it was ok… in spite of the constant swelling.

I thought the treadmill was ok too, until the swelling actually interfered with the way my gym shoes fit, so I stopped that.

I had a few lessons on it because I NEED to dance… now that I am financially able to dance… I NEED it… it is my sanity and my joy.

Week before last I managed ok until the last 10 minutes, the humor in the lesson was that my bangs were in my face, which never bothers me… but it bothers Largo… so he set forth on a mission to find me a Bobbi pin. During the last 10 minutes my ankle didn't hurt, it just felt like it was about to give out on me, so I insisted on Rumba for the rest of the lesson. I was also told by my wiser than his years professional instructor that "You will dance until you fall over broken, I know you."

Last week, was bad… I couldn't cha cha like I normally would, and was sub consciously trying to protect my ankle, so it made dancing a little rough. Largo insisted several times that I stop, while pointing out the small golf ball that appeared to be hanging onto the outside of my ankle. I told him it didn't hurt (it honestly didn't) but he didn't believe me.

So… we left it..or I should say HE left it that he left it by saying he would not actually accept any lessons from me until a doctor says it's ok.

I have my doctor appointment now. It's actually in the morning before work. I scheduled the appointment before my last lesson, which is probably why Largo felt so confident in telling me I couldn't dance with him anymore until after I get medical approval. Either way, no matter what the doctor says I am SURE of two things. 1- I'm not gonna like anything he says. 2- I'm not going to be able to dance for a while.

All I have to say is this… If I'm going to be made to be off the dance floor again for a minimum of 6-8 weeks, it had better be because I have done such irreparable damage to my ankle that it's going to need surgery or some other major treatment that will totally justify my not being on the dance floor. Because if it's not completely major then I may just lose my mind and try dancing behind Largo's back.

 

We'll see…. Wish me luck.

Big Dance News… Emerald Star Ball

Hi gang!
I've got some big news of my own... but first allow me to brag a bit about the professional dancers I know. Two weekends ago the nation's second largest ballroom competition took place. Emerald Ball in Los Angeles California.
This comp is HUGE… I believe I read 10,800 entries total between professional, pro/am, and amateur.
First of all… A BIG THANKS to one of my Facebook friends for somehow setting up a LIVE VIDEO STREAM for the Friday night events. Savvy and I sat in our pajamas till 3am Chicago time watching the excitement unfold as we saw the following results. (Also, we have never been so comfy while watching a ballroom competition!)

 

Largo and TNT WON the Rising Star Division of American Rhythm!!!!

 

STP and HFC placed SECOND in Rising Star American Rhythm!!!

 

TSD and FAF placed 6^th in Rising Star American Smooth!!!

M/V (aka "The Theatre Arts Couple") from Fred Astaire Michigan Avenue WON the Show dance division for the 2^nd YEAR IN A ROW!!!

 

As a true fan of these dancers I can't even tell you how amazing it is to be in their continually growing fan base.

 

SO PROUD TO KNOW AND LEARN FROM YOU ALL! CONGRATULATIONS and KEEP IT UP!

Photographs by Fred Astaire Chicago North and Stephen Marino of Decadance Photography