ACK! Daring Style Dress Calls for Drastic Measures!!!

So my life has grown quite serious lately... and I'm not complaining... I mean outside the seriousness of all that is going on in the world around us... my own personal world keeps getting rocked to it's core. Another quake like the one delivered this week, and I may be altered forever.

BUT... I give you from whatever is left of my land of funny... what I'm attempting to go through the week before this semi-formal dinner at the regional competition this weekend.

So, lets first review.... I don't compete... I attend to watch, be entertained, entertain during down times, and most importantly support my friends and instructors.

As we get closer to cocktail hour (5pm) on Sunday (I'll have been there since about 9 or 10am). I have to make a dash for my car and grab my evening wear. As everyone that was competing for the day changes downstairs...I make my way to the upstairs restroom and move in for about 30 minutes for my wardrobe change, makeup and hair session. You see...when the evenings at these comps begin I feel like it's my time to shine in my small way. I always try and push my own personal envelope as to what I can do to dress up. Before ballroom I'd dress up maybe once every two years...now I find myself getting all dolled up at least four times a year!!!

THIS time I'm pushing my own personal style meter WAY over. I found a dress that is very pretty, but in a style I wouldn't EVER have considered wearing pre dancing. It's a halter style (the kind of dress that ties behind the neck on top) it's long, but I NEVER, EVER, in about ten years at least, have my upper arms and back exposed... EVER.... to the point where my shoulders and my back haven't even seen the sun long enough to be anything but pure white.

<---Not my dress, but an idea of what kind of skin I'm exposing!!!

This is where the funny begins... I need to tan... ME... the girl who hasn't tanned since about the age of 12, and makes fun of her sister for her permanent "fake n' bake" tan...has decided that she needs to be tan... Well really, unless I want to have shoulders so white my dance partners are blinded by the light reflecting off of them, I need to tan. So I've been trying the lotion route... which then begs the question... How does a gal who has two cats as roommates get self tanner on her back??

She uses a 30 gallon garbage bag in a towel type motion to get it evenly distributed.

Yeah.. that was the funny... but WAIT... there's more!

Not only do my shoulders and back repel the sun, they repel self tanning lotion too! Yes, that's right folks... after trying for about 7 days in a row... most of my body is either nicely tan, slightly jaundice looking, or BARELY tan at all!!! ACK! (We're not even going to mention the dark spots on the dry skin at my elbows...ok??)

So... I'm gonna do what all good ballroom dancers do... I'm kicking and screaming about it the whole way though...

I'm going to get a professional spray tan...in one of those booth things...at my local national chain tanning salon.

You have NO IDEA the anxiety that I'm going through about this... First... I've never been to a tanning salon... Second... typically this tanning stuff is done pretty much naked... um...yeah... I'm so modest... If I could shower with a swimsuit on in my own bathroom I would... (but lets face it..that's kind of counter productive to showering). I went for a massage once... and REFUSED to take off my swimsuit.... the masseuse made fun of me the whole time... the massage was nice...but I wouldn't call a battle of wits like that very relaxing.

I have done my extensive research... I found the kind of tanning booth I want...and I did watch the tanning video that the manufacturer had online... it doesn't seem SO bad... and there wasn't anything in the rules that said I couldn't have SOMETHING on... so I'm working all that out....
no I won't be wearing a swimsuit...and NO you don't get to know what I will be wearing!!

SO...now I'm trying to scrub off 7 days of self tanning lotion, and come Saturday at 9am I'm going to be at the salon getting the most stressful five minute spray that's ever been done...then I have to stand myself for a MINIMUM of 4 hours (the smell of spray tan is pretty icky) before I can gently shower with some good smelling stuff and head out for Saturday night... All I hope and pray is that it lasts through Sunday night when I have to wear this dress... and dance some social dances with my arms and back out there for all to see... this stupid tan better stick...or absorb..or whatever it is it's supposed to do.

Someday I'll figure out why everything I do has to be such a production... OR... Someday I'll figure out how to turn my productions into one hell of a stand up routine. :-)

Oh... YES... I'll try and get you pictures...of me in the dress.