Time moves incredibly fast, and sometimes excruciatingly slow. On the one side I can not believe we are just short of three months since the fire, on the other hand I feel like I've lived in this one bedroom hotel room forever.
I truly live an all or nothing life, when I'm in the game I'm in it all the way no holds barred moving like a steam locomotive that no one can stop. It's been a long time since I lived life on that side of things. I feel like I've left the "all" side of things and firmly planted myself on the "nothing" side. Physically I'm pretty much back at day one of dancing, only I am fully aware of the path I must travel to love life again. Mentally I can feel the shift from being motivated to do NOTHING to being motivated to do EVERYTHING.
This time is different though, I'm not looking to the outside for total motivation, I'm learning to find it inside. All the posts I've written about finding my inspiration I still believe in, but this time I am using my own experiences as an example of my strength. Think about it, in the past two years I have been unemployed, injured twice over, and had every earthly possession taken away by fire. You know what? I'M STILL HERE!
I'm still the same, albeit stronger, more resilient, and excited for the immediate and distant future. I am lucky, blessed, and honored to be surrounded by the people I have found. I can not even imagine having a better sense of family and friendship if I had actually hand picked each of "my people." So now it's time to stop resting on my laurels and letting myself down. I'm finished with "slothing" Sundays all day on the couch and marathon sessions of movies that just make me wish I'd get off my Ass.
I've kept in my life all I need to keep. The dancing - that will never change, in some form I will always be involved in ballroom. The people - Nature had actually weeded out the one's I don't need a long time ago. The arts and creativity- can go dormant from time to time but I'm working on putting it back into my life, one step at a time. Life is way to short and unexpected to dilly dally making decisions about what to and not to do.
I think I was mentally preparing to leap forward back into my healthy lifestyle once I moved into my home. It will signify the end of all this fire business, but I'm ready... I'm ready now. So Now it will be. No more waiting for the timing to be right, I can't, try as I might, script my life (duh).
Time for bed, I have a gym to hit when I wake up... and it's going to hurt.