I believe it's time to take my dancing more seriously… to what end I'm not sure… but the joking around and being jovial is even becoming old to me…and I'm becoming somewhat cliché on the lesson floor. If "I want it" like I keep reminding myself that I do… (see post) Then I have to become more studious during my lessons, private and group… and save the cutting loose for the social dances. That's going to be difficult because my personality is very much on auto pilot most of the time...if people expect me to be funny...then I'm the clown...if I'm in a group that has known me to be more intellectual then I'm the brain…emotional...then I'm a basket case...advisor...then I'm the solid objective sounding board.... All of which are very real aspects of who I am that are controlled, and only brought out at certain times...I've developed a pattern of finding a persona within a group and sticking to it... My niche in my current surroundings has be flipping from clown to basket case...The latter of which is not something I put up with in others, and I detest within myself. The only consolation I provide for myself is that dancing has been life changing... and therefore a little uncontrolled emotion is to be expected... it's now time to rein that all in and focus.
Recent events that were instigated, perpetuated, and now ended by me, details of which are a private matter, have lead me to a fork in the path… If I choose to repeat my own history when things of this nature present themselves, it would be time for me to choose the path that has me running… cut ties with nearly everyone I know and start new someplace else, only to have the same fork in the road be presented to me at some point in the future. Instead what I would like to do is learn from my past, and not be condemned to repeat it. I'm picking the path that is infinitely harder... one of improving myself instead of surrounding myself with new people that have yet to discover my flaws.
I'm going to apply my energy and research to bring a more complete me to every aspect of my life, including but not limited to the dance floor. This is an evolutionary stage to the "I WANT IT" application. If I fail to grow as a person throughout this experience...then the entire experience will be worth nothing. So therefore... I will force myself into taking the path much less traveled-- grow and expand my mind...as I continue to shrink my body. (As a happy side note... I fit into one additional size smaller as of this weekend!)
All positive thoughts are greatly appreciated.
1 comments:
It sounds like you're on a good path, I wish I had started dancing when I was in my twenties instead of waiting till I turned 49... I not only lost 4-5 inches, I became more graceful, better balanced and more comfortable with the opposite sex... I like your blog, and I wish you the best of luck with your dancing... Jim
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